Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Edmonton Oiler's Next Opponent

It's seems that hockey is not as manly as Wyatt, Grim and I make it out to be. It appears that not only did the Senators lose the battle in the second round, The Oilers are set to lose their battle during the Stanley Cup Finals to the same opponent.

That Opponent is DORA THE EXPLORER!!

Step Off Edmonton!

With a front line of Dora Centering Diego and Boots with Benny the Bull and BackPack shouldering Defense, the Oilers are in trouble. Coach Map is, or course, drawing up plays"

"You go through the Frigid Face-Off Circle, Around the Dual Defensemen, Passed the Greedy Goalie . . .and that how you get to . . .The Stanley Cup. . .Say it with me. . .Face-Off Circle, Defensemen, Goalie. . .Stanley Cup.

I'm REALLY Bored today!

Disney Magic

Disney To Provide Movies Online
The Walt Disney Co., a holdout when it came to providing its theatrical movies to the major online film distributors, is expected to announce today (Wednesday) that it will make the recent animated Chicken Little and the live-action dramas Glory Road and Flightplan available via the website. Disney is also expected to announce that it will provide future films for online downloading as they are released on DVD. The films will be priced at about $20.00. Older titles are expected to be priced at about $10.00. After being downloaded, the movies can be copied on up to three more devices, including handheld devices that use Microsoft's Windows Media Player. They can not be burned to DVDs or uploaded to Apple's Macintosh computers or iPods; however, Disney's deal with CinemaNow is reportedly non-exclusive, and analysts observed that Disney was the first studio to provide TV shows for downloading from Apple's iTunes Music Store.

So explain to me who would do this. You can go out and buy a DVD for $15-$18. You can watch it forever, lend it to your friends and use it as a coaster. Or. . .you can download it for $20.00. To save money, you can download older movies for $10 or buy them in the 2 for $11 rack at Target.

Did Disney hire the people who convinced us to buy water????

Battle Royale!!

It’s the battle of the Hair Color!! (For Now, I'll spare everyone reposting the pictures)

In this corner, we have the Redheads:

Alyson Hannigan (You would think that would win all by itself)
Nicole Kidman
Julianne Moore (She has no problem being naked on film, too. . extra points)
Lindsey Lohan (Wacky, but we’re talking looks here)
Famke Janssen – She topical in the redhead genre with the X3 being out.
Dallas Bryce Howard – despite the die job due out for Spider-Man 3
Cecily Tynan (circa 1995) – She had too much work done lately. She’s still all that, but no bag of chips anymore.
The girl from the Pour House picture in Sea Isle City NJ

In the other corner we have the Brunettes:

Jennifer Connelly
Parker Posey (Hey! I like Parker Posey. .sue me!)
Jessica Biel
Diane Lane (She also likes to be naked on film)
Keri Russell
Tyra Banks

The Battle Rages On In My Mind. . . . . .

As for Blondes. . . . . . .not so much!

Separated at Birth

As the Carolina Hurricanes prepare for Thursday night's Game 7 against the Buffalo Sabres to see who plays the Edmonton Oilers for the Stanley Cup, Deathlok wants to know:


Hurricanes #22 Mike Commodore .... and ... Bernie from Room 222

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Alright! Who Complained!!

This is ridiculous! I'm watching the hockey games the past couple of nights and I notice that the Dodge Caliber has changed. They cut out the guy saying "Silly Little Fairy!" Guess What!! She's A Fairy! Did someone complain about the use of the word "Fairy"??

I won't even bring up the D&D thing. So I as I go to post this stupidity, I'm looking for a picture (see above) and I see this article.

This commercial is a hate crime all of a sudden.

This makes almost as little sense than the Congressman who lost his position for using the word "Niggardly"! Okay, nothing will beat getting fired for having a vocabulary.

Sunday, May 28, 2006


Anyone familiar with Deathlok will know that incorporated into my brain is a computer that regulates the formaldehyde pumping through my body (to counteract the decay), prevents suicide (you wake up as an indestructible killing machine with no will of your own and see how your like it) and of course provides information. Despite the advanced technology in the Cyborg computer, there are time that the illogical behavior causes a "DOES NOT COMPUTE!!" So here are things that do not compute.

Bicycles - They are great for exercise and a wonderful and ecological method of transportation. Does the couple above look hap-happy on their bikes??

Since when did "People should have courtesy to bicyclists" become "Bicyclists own the road and God help the multi-ton vehicle for being on the road." I'm not saying run these guys down. I'm saying that these things should be on the side walk and if they travel in the street, they should be "on the lookout" for cars. If I'm driving 25-30 mph down the street, and I can't get around some jackass on a bike, shouldn't he move onto the sidewalk or let me by.

Work has instituted a statement that "bicycles are to be treated as vehicles on the road". Bullshit!! I'm trying to get to work on time and I got some guy hoof it at 20 mph who won't give ME the courtesy of moving over. If it's that great that everyone who doesn't live over 30 miles from work is biking, put in a bike path.

Further on that note. since when did it become a child's right to play in the street? Sure Sure!! We all played in the street. I'm not saying that they should ban kids from the street. What I don't get is the attitude of kids today, when you drive by that you are in THEIR way. If that's the case, should I just hope the curb and drive on the sidewalk like the Kurgen??


Kids flip you off or slow down and give you attitude. The second you drive by at open your door to hit them or get out with a bat, you are the one that's wrong.

Last year, a kid in my development got hit by a car. He broke his leg. the woman was driving 25 MPH (the posted speed limit) and the kid skate boarded out into the street and was skateboarding along side her car and she hit him. The neighbor's were in an uproar. This poor kid. HE WAS SKATEBOARDING INTO TRAFFIC!! This poor woman became this vehicular villain (heh . . .alliteration).

Finally, when did it become appropriate to bring a child under 1 year old to the movies. Despite the research that shows that children that young are at risk for hearing problems because their audo development isn't adequate enough to handle the decibles of the theater, people opt for the "save the money on a sitter today and spend it on a co-pay later" mentality. Plus (since I live close to Atlantic City. . .but not too close), if you take the gamble that your child will be quiet in the theater, fine. If it cries, you through a 7! Get out! No hard 8! No Yo! Get Out! Other people have paid to see AND HEAR the movie. Was there a couch two rows in front of me at X3? You betcha!

Friday, May 26, 2006

X3 - Now With Marshmallows!!

I just got back from X3. . . . .and boy are my arms tired.

The movie was almost as good as the preview for GHOST RIDER!

The reviews of the movie seem lukewarm, but I thought the movie was well done. It did lag a little towards the end, but it is well worth the money.

The boosted role of Storm was incorporated both well and appropriately. The fact that she was the leader of the team for a long time, made it a better role for Halle Berry without changing the X-Men mythos. Note: Stay until after the credits

New Characters

Juggernaut - Vinnie Jones is great in everything, so it was as expected that he would be good. Bringing the characters to the screen is always a delicate line to balance, but Juggernaut was much better adapted in the movie than Sabretooth from the first movie.

Shadowcat - They only call here Kitty in the movie, but the geek majority know who that is. She was really well done. Definitely a character that could be developed for future movies.

Beast - Although Kelsey Grammar is the perfect voice for the animated Beast, I was skeptical going in. He was great. The fight scenes were well done (by who ever did them). The interplay between him and Wolverine was good. If there wasn't so much to cover in the movie, it would have been nice to see more of that.

Angel - The director's of this movie have been trying to get Angel into the movies since X2. He was well done from a visual perspective, but barely a two dimensional character.

Colossus - Although he appeared in the last film, his character was beefed up for this one and he looked phenomenal.

Mystique - She was really great. To go into any deeper would give stuff away.

Slight Spoiler Alert!

If you are a big X-Men comic fan, you might not want to read this because, although it doesn't involve the plot, I liked being surprised to see the following:

The Fastball Special - Colossus and Wolverine team up to perform the patented Fastball Special move. Basically Colossus pitches Wolverine into the fray. Great!

Oh My Stars and Garters - the Beast actually says his catch phrase from his time with the Avengers from the late 70s early 80s. I LOVED that!

Same effect different texture - Colossus turning to steel. . .we all knew that was going to happen. I believe the same effects were used to have Iceman completely ice up. YEAAAAHHH! That's what I'm talking about. In the same vein, Wolverine shows off some adamantium skeleton. Sweet!

Callisto - the leader of the Morlocks until Storm kicked here ass. So it was a must that they fought in the movie. and Speaking of Morlocks, Leetch is in the movie but he does look the little green guy to the right of Callisto.

Multiple Man - The biggest surprise was the appearance of Jaime Maddrox, the Multiple Man. He's a great character and I was hoping that he would have been an X-Men in the movie. There is a scene where you can see a little design on his shirt that looks like the yellow circles on his costume (see below).

Finally. . . . .Sentinels! It was brief but the Sentinels were really incredible. they squeezed in a taste of the Days of Futures Past into the movie. "Days" is considered on the best X storylines ever done.

It will be interesting to see how it holds up the next time that I see it. It's been compared to the Return of the Jedi, in that the second movie was better than the first and the third was a let down. I wouldn't hang the ROTJ moniker on it, but I can see the comparison, I guess. The second movie was kickass. I thought this one was just as good,but something in the back of my mind says that when I watch it on DVD, I will not hold up like X2.

Now, to go see what Wyatt had to say.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Misfired Winner!

Although the quote thing went very poorly, I declared the Alice quote the winner.

In future weeks, I'll just post whatever I damn well please.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

THE MAN! An Apology!!

I was reminded this weekend of something that I forgot to do. . . . So I'll do it here!

I had a cassette of music that I recorded back in college. The cassette is a live concert from my college friend Chris "Chrispy" Pesca. The quality of the recording is horrible. The show was great. Chrispy played a lot of Harry Chapin, Jim Croce, Chicago's slow stuff as well as some original songs. His most popular song was a song called "Penis Envy" which was very funny and if you can forgive the recording quality, I'll send it anyone that wants to here it.

I gave this cassette to Grimjack as while back because Grimjack is the master of putting cassettes onto CDs. I received it about a week or so ago and never mentioned it. Sorry Grim! It's great AND it it served its purpose.

The purpose you say!!

Storytime! The other important song on there is a song that I had written for someone. When I was a teenager, I dated this girl. When she broke up with me, I spent an uncomfortable amount of time trying to "win her back". When she had a baby, I was still swinging by to "see the family". This was a time before stalking became fashionable. Anyway, in a drunken collegiate state on night in the dorms, I told this story to Chrispy and I told him that if he could write a song for her, I could give it to her and "who couldn't resist that". My philosophy was that if that didn't win her back, nothing would . . . . .and I was right.

Flashforward to about a year or so ago. I got back in touch with her. And we've been friends ever since (with my wife's permission). I got the CD track of "Her Song" and sent it to her daughter (who is 18 now). I told her the story and she thinks we are the two weirdest people on earth. "why would you two still be friends?" Ahh, kids!

Hemorrhage Hills

So, Wyatt had his say about the outing. . . .and the hat. It seems that he his foursome had quite a time.

As for me, the weekend was good. The golf. . . not so much. Let's just say that game one's score was closer to Wyatt's first game. . . .if you added the second game in. The second game (and here I have to agree that being hungover must improve the game) I was having a fairly good game, but two of the foursome left with 4 holes to go so we all packed it in. As my shoulder is begging for re-reconstruction, that may have been a good thing.

My usual foursome consists of my two friends from highschool (I think it's just out of habit for them at this point) and Grimjack. However, Grimjack brought his own foursome this year (threesome, it turned out) so my friend Jim brought his brother, Bob.

First the lowlights of the weekend:
1. The subtraction of Grimjack was a shame. As his familial duties (and my own) have reduced our free time, it would have been nice.

2. On the bigger scale, there were a lot of people at the weekend that I wanted to chat with and didn't get the chance. The real shame was that most of them were in the same room. I think at some point my legs stopped working.

3. The fact that I remember leaving the bar, but don't remember actually going to my room has me thinking. The last thing that I remember is my roommate, Joe (a pharmacist), saying "Here! Taste this new date rape drug!" Before leaving the bar, I vaguely remember juggling billiard balls with Fish. . . .and apparently he never made it to his room. I must have made him want to practice.

4. It was freezing!! I would've given (not my hat) a pitcher a gimlets for some of Wyatt's excess . . . . .well, his excess. The second day was supposed to be warmer so I wore shorts. OUCH! It did give the cartgirl the opportunity to comment that she liked my tattoo. . . . .and my hat. That warmed me up.

HIGHLIGHTS - No NO! Not the Timbertoes Highlights! These:

1. $1 - Nothing pleases me more than winning $1 bet. As I was teeing off, a family of geese were crossing the fairway. In other words, they were safe. Jim, bet me $1 that I could couldn't hit one. My second shot was over a hill and right into a gooses ass. Although jim renigged on the $1, Bob felt the shot deserved the payoff.

2. They didn't run out of Guinness this year. 'Nuff Said!

3. Overall, it was a great trip. It's nice to get away. As one of my two annual golf trips, I am now set until the Man's Weekend Golf game.

Temporary Notification

This is an quick post (a drive-by fruiting for the Mrs Doubtfire crowd. . . . .is there a Mrs. Doubtfire crowd??).

This have been quiet on the THM site (That's here by the way!). The Annual Golf outing was this weekend (and boy or my arms tired. . . . .Wait! that's a different punchline.). more on that later. . .or jump over the Wyatt's site to hear about the outing. But stop back here later for the more intimate and picante moments of Deathlok's foursome.

I was condemned to fill in for my boss at a meeting today (I wish I new what I was supposed to know for this meeting. . . . ."Yes, Mr. Director of Transportation Security. I have no idea what I'm supposed to know here." Good thing I'm not still hung over from Sunday night.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Name One Of The 7 Deadly Sins!

Slouth! That's the one we were going for.

This is Kirk! He is a dalmation that pushes the limits of 100 lbs. Here are some facts about my dog:

1. He was named after my favorite goaltender Kirk McLean after she nixed the idea of calling him Rorschach.

2. He is a slug. Dalmations are notorious for being hyper. Not this guy. Lopped em off early and he the laziest thing you could ever meet.

3. Despite #2, he is a great guard dog. When someone comes near the house (although friendly if you appraoch him without surprising him), he barks fierce enough to give pause. Almost like he's saying "You made me get? there will be a recogning." I think he gets that from me.

4. He may disagree, but a queensize bed is not play for two and this guy.

5. As you can see in the picture, yes, he can read the paper.

6. Things Kirk has consumed:
- 8 raw porkchops
- a swimcap
- an entire poundcake
- half a lasagne dish of chocolate fudge
- a balloon
- an entire container of bubble tape
- 2 each baby bunnies
- brussel sprouts

7. Things that Kirk will not eat
- lettuce
- that's it!!

8. A Kirk Story
When we got Kirk, I didn't want a dog. Why? Because I knew that I would have to take care of it. Despite that promises frm my wife and daughter to the contrary, I do. We got him anyway. One day, my wife was working. My daughter and I took the dog for a walk. My daughter was about 4 years old. She was walking on the sidewalk and I was wlaking the puppy in the street. I diecided to race him home. As we ran up the street, Kirk caught up to me. The problem was that he ran in between my legs and tripped me at a full run. My daughter was crying on the sidewalk because I looked hurt. I couldn't get out of the street. I couldn't get my arms to work. After the ambulance came and picked me out of the street (thank the the kind neighbors), I was taken to the hospital to find that I had cracked both of my elbows. I was casted on one are and temp casted on the other. I won't go int the thing that you can't do by yourself with two broken elbows. Yeah, I remember when I had my pride. . . . . .

Despite this, Kirk has been with us for 10 years.

For Linda, Kirk post surgery.

Note: He ate the blue case too. It had to be replaced with a green one.

Color me unhappy at that.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What Makes Philadelphia Great!

SCRAPPLE!!! That's what! Sure, the cheesesteak is the big thing, but I found that most people don't even know what Scrapple is! Are you kidding me! It is the single most delicious breakfast meat in America (2nd in the world only to Irelands "Black Pudding").

So, as a public service (as I did back when Dayglo was around), here is a Scrapple Exposé.

This is Scrapple! Note that it is lean, so right there it tells you that it's good for you. It's comparable to how much better Corn PoPs are than Sugar Pops. I believe it was the Bard who said "A sugar cereal by any other "nonsugary" name would taste just as sweet!"

If you zoom in on the picture (zoom function sold separately) you can see the ingredients that make the world go round. Basically, it is pig parts. No, No! Not the should or the loin! The parts they couldn't sell . . . .The Scraps (hence the name). Excuse me, I'm drooling a little just thinking about it.

As you remove the succulent meat (meatlike substance), you will notice a fine patina of gelatinous glaze. This keeps you scrapple moist and ready for the frying pan.

As you slice it down. . . .not too thick now . . . . you can tell the moist enclosure is necessary to keep it from crumbling. I will admit . . .if you got the Farmer's Market, it is more bricklike and really tasty!

Heat up the skillet! Father's Day surprised me a few years ago with the Pampered Chef souble skillet. Very Nice!! You just cook enough of this (or M&M pancakes with a single skillet). Listen . . . . .. You can almost here the sizzle! ~sniff~ ~sniff~ Ooooohhhh, Baby!

Let it crisp up a little on the outside. It's little square medalleons of heaven. If the Jews were really God's chosen people he would have forbidden them to eat pork. . . . .except for Scrapple (That's a joke for any Jewish people that are offended).

"Now what do I do with it?" you may ask. Fry up those eggs, brown up that toast. Ketchup?. . .Yes, Please!

This, my friends, will get you through the day with a smile.

When I originally posted a similar exposé on Dayglo, I followed it up with a visit to San Diego. I brought a package (a brick?) of Scrapple to those Left Coasters. They say that they ate it, but I have my doubts. Conversely, I showed proof of the resiprical agreement fulfilled. The California bunch kept talking about having fish tacos. . . . .That's right, I said Fish Tacos. I was nauseated at the sound. Surprisely, they were very tasty (and completey impossible to get around here). I felt just like the guy from Green Eggs and Ham (No, not Sam I Am . . .the other guy . . . yeesh) I do like fish tacos. Now if they had fish tacos with scrapple on them. . . .That's what I'm talking about!


I've gone from posting once a week if I'm lucky to being a downright Post Whore. I thought I would give this an idea.

I will try to come up with three choices for Deathlok's quote of the Week. The one that gets the most votes will be the quote of the week. I'll post it in the side bar, if Wyatt or kah can show me how.

The quotes can come from anywhere: Comics, movies, literature, pearls that I hear, anything. I may even take requests. this one will be for next week (once I get back from the golf outing).

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed"
- Marvin the Paranoid Android - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"I give myself very good advice..but I very seldom follow it."
- Alice in Wonderland

"I'm on this side of the dirt, so I guess I'm good."
In answer to "How you doing?" to a guy name Frank that I work with.

If this doesn't pan out, I'll bag it!

For Linda - As Requested!!

For those of you that have read the post about the Police dodging Jester, here is a picture that I dug up from the old photo albums. It should be noted that this picture was taken early in the morning by my college roommate at LaSalle (then College, not yet University). I went to every class but one (as the Professor was a complete dick). I even walked to class juggling. And Yes, it was Halloween.

The highlight of the day was actually my 8:00 AM Management class. Due to the prep time, I arrived at around 8:10. Anyone who has been to college (or Mass) can tell you that if you are late you have to sit up front. I was front row center and jingling like Santa's Sleigh. This lasted until about 8:20, when the Professor covered his face with his hand and put his head on his desk (laughing) and said "I can't teach with him sitting there like that. . . .you can all go!"

I was very popular amongt the class that day.

Hope it was worth the wait Linda.

And speaking of costumes, I have been plagued for years with people saying "You know who you lookl like?" Because I don't!! However, in a moment of slef humor I labored all of about 1 1/2 minutes for this costume.

Allllllrightyy Then!!

At The RIsk of Repeating Myself . . . . ..

I hate to repost something, but have I mentioned that I REALLY like these two pictures??

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Better?? Better Get A Bucket!!

I was saving this one but Grimjack brought it up last night so here goes another one.

The Beef and Beer

Years ago, one of my Dad's (and Grim's Mom's) cousins died. Apparently, he didn't have any insurance or some such (notice how I have no facts on the importance of things unless they pertain to me) so they held a Beef and Beer to raise money for the family. Keep in mind we never had anything to do with my Father's cousin's side of the family.

Grim, myself and my friend Jim, heard "lots of beer" so we went. Grimjack's parents also went. Being young and able to drink, we were "scopin' the chicks!" The dialogue that night went like this:

Deathlok: Dude, check out that chick
Grim's Mom (leaning in): That's your cousin.
Deathlok: Wow! Look at her!
Grim's Mom (leaning in): That's your 2nd cousin.

and so on and so on. . . . . . . . .

So, we are at a Beef and Beer and the only person that I'm not related to is my friend Jim. What's a Deathlok to do. We were there for beers and girls. That left beer. Beer! Beer! Beer!

Later, I meet this girl. She's my cousin Dawn. 6 foot tall and stunningly gorgeous. My Aunt says "Actually, she's your step-second cousin (which means no blood relation). So I'm chatting it up. Wonderful!! Unfortunately, this was later in the night and the dance card was previously filled with beer.

I'm sitting next to everbody and I bent down to "look under the table". See when your drunk you think that nobody can see you. I hear "Did he just throw up in the pretzel bucket?" . . .which I had. Being the concerned friends they are, Jim and Grim (heh heh) threw me in the back of Jim's car and Grim drove my car. I think. Grim will have to elaborate, as the next thing that I remember, I am waking up in the back of Jim's blue 72 Pinto with the blue fur dashboard wondering where I am. It seems that the two of them got hunger and decided to drive to South Street for Philadelphia Cheesesteaks. And just left me, assuming that no one would steal me.

About a year or so later we had the first (and last due to violence) annual Reunion of my family and my Dad's cousin's family. I saw my step second cousin there. I went up to her and said "You probably don't remember me . . . "

"Oh! I remember you! Pretzel bucket, right?!"


We actually became good friends after that and hung around for years. Hanging with a girl of this caliber does not help you get chicks.

Monday, May 15, 2006

More Party Fun!

Sure Grimjack and I went to a lot of parties with a lot of different people. That was usually because we had to find new people to go to parties with because we were seldom invited back.

Yet another costume party showed a much wiser Deathlok. Instead of hours of makeup and form fitting lykra (sp?), this time I wore my judo Gi (outfit). If you read Grim's recent post, you will know that his daughter is now an Aunt of her Niece only two years younger. (Well, go read it. . I'll wait! ~ in my best Gilbert Godfrey voice ~ ~ ~ Anyway, Grim is in the same situation. This party was at his Aunt's house, who is a few years older than us. Her parties were as close to actually going back to the 60s as you can get. It was also the last party that I was at where someone actually had a KEG OF GUINNESS! So, we are hanging and partying. Several of the rooms had "different" things going on in them. Not sure what all was going on in some of them but I'm pretty sure Strawberry Alarmclock was playing in some of them. Grim and I separated at one point and I was in the main room of the house talking to some people. Some dude comes up to me and says "Nice Costume! . . . .Hiiiyaahh!!" We're all having fun and making friend right?? Chuckling , I return his "Hiiiyaaah!!" I this drunk (at least) motherfucker practically plucks my eye from it's socket. No lie! This guy poked my eye faster than I could blink of flinch. Now sure, it was all my fault. I should have recognized the martial arts expert that spent time in 'Nam. What's wrong with me. Grimjack comes out a little later and wonders what the problem is.

It tookabout an hour before I could even open my eye. . . but at least they had Guinness.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

1 Brain + 1 Brain = No Brains!!

Tales of Deathlok and Grimjack - A Series

Grimjack and I have been hanging around forever. We grew up together (we are cousins) and after a brief drifting apart around the high school years, we grew close again and have been hanging around together ever since.

Grimjack is my daughter's Godfather and I am his daughters and he was my best man at my wedding. But before all that, there was us and a whole lot of lack of responsibility. Here are some examples (Note: All these stories are true):

1. My favorite because of the absurdness of it (if only there was a video of it) is the time that Grimjack invited me to a party with a group of people. People he worked with? Friends from the halfway house? Whatever! Anyway, it was a costume party. Now, back in the day, I was insane for Halloween and would spend hours on a costume. I had this awesome Jester costume complete with sequins, tassles a jingles. Half blackface/Half white (like those Star Trek guys) with a red heart over the eye., it was nice. Of course, no one else is dress nearly like that. Basic bullshit costumes. . . .and I don't know anyone. So we are partying and drinking. . .. FUN! After a while we get wind that the cops are coming and Grim tells me that we are the only two people at the party who are legal. . .NOT FUN!! So we haul ass out of there. As we are leaving, I grab the cake. In the parking lot we pass the cops. For some reason the cops didn't stop the jester running through the parking lot with a cake. . . .it was hysterical. As we drove home, we imagined how funny it would (in jail) if we hit the cops in the face with the cake and "yuck yuck yuck"ed it to the car. In reality, the last thing we would have heard was "Shoot To Kill!" I'm thinking that a night in jail for Grimjack would have been much better than a thin guy dressed in spandex.

2. Movie Drinks

The movie drinks story is actually two stories.

The first part is on one of our ventures to Penn State. Through time and sobriety, I can't remember if we were visiting my friend Joe or his friend Mary (although I would bet on Mary). Anyway, The Penn Staters decided to go see the Terminator, which was showing at some Penn State theater. But what to bring??? I had (and still have) a long black wool coat that was the pride of 80s fashion. The pockets in this thing are numberous and deep. We decided to bring beer into the theater. In fact, I can't remember who we we visiting with 100% certainty, but I remember a case of Michelob (remember when we drank that stuff). . .go figure. Anyway, we got an entire case of beer in the coat and actually got it into the theater. Once we got settled, I started handing out beers like a vending machine. We decided that it would be smart to just flick the caps onto the carpet in the aisle (instead of placing them on the floor). Problem was that there was no carpet in the aisle. You have no idea how loud a beercap is in a quiet movie theater. Being on campus, no one bothered us and the movie night was a success.

The beer in the movie thing became a ritual for Grimjack and I, until . . . . .

Years later, we were going to the movies at the now defunct GCC Northeast in Philadelphia. Grim says lets bring a six pack in. My Spidersense is telling me that this is a bad idea, but I cave like a "flan in the cupboard" (Eddie Izzard reference). As we enter the theater, the manager stops us and searches us. WHY? Because he watched us load our pockets with beer in the parking lot!! So, as we are being served a large bucket of humiliation, a black cloud of gloom comes over me. "I knew this was a bad idea."

We get in and sit down. As the lights go down, Grimjack leans over and says "Do you want some of this?" apparently, they missed one. "NO! I don't want any!" As we left the theater, we continued our disagreement as Grimjack insisted that we go and ask for our beer back. I think I won that argument.

Grimjack?? Would you like to add one?

Wyatt's Comic Guy Backup Story!!

Before you read this hop on over to Wyatt's "Support Your Local Gunslinger" blog and read a fanciful tale about me.

Not to take up all of Wyatt's blog space, I thought that I would relay a recent experience that shows that it's not the source of the information, it's having the information.

For example, as stated over on the other blog, I can usually run the Norse Mythology category on Jeopardy. What a Scholar!! Or so people think if I in unfamiliar company. That fact that I have read over 300 issues of THOR doesn't dimish the fact that I know this crap!!

The Story: I was at work a few weeks ago and a co-worker was telling me about this abusive email that he got from a customer. As he read it to me, the word "chimerical" came up. He said I don't even know what that means. I said "Neither do I, I think it has to do with something made up or imaginary (which fit the context of the sentence). So my boss came by and we looked it up. (Note: I was corrected in the CHI-merical, as it is pronounced KI-merical). The definition is "Created by or as if by a wildly fanciful imagination. . ."

My boss, in a rare moment, gives me an impressed look. How did you know that? How? Because I play Dungeons and Dragons and there is a creature called a Chimera which is a "a wildly fanciful imaginary . . .blah blah blah. The impressed look quickly vanished. So much for Honesty!

Researching further, there are many definitions to Chimera., so he may have been calling this guy a hermaprodite.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

A Grim Top 5!

Okay, now it’s time to have a go at Grimjack. After reading the latest Grimoire on his blog, I’ll bet you are wondering what are the things that Grimjack hates. And now. . .the top 5.

5. Verizon – As you may know from his blog, Grim has had no end of trouble with his cell phone. He has abused and berated Verizon employees on a regular basis . . .hey! everyone needs a hobby. . .to no avail. It should be noted that Grimjack will not answer his cel if he is inside his house. That’s what house phones are for.

4. The NJ Devils/NY Rangers – The two archenemies of the Philadelphia Flyers. Sure Buffalo knocked us out of the playoffs this year, but nothing is more hated by a Flyer’s fan than the New Jersey Devils and (for the old school hockey fan) the New York Rangers. Of course Grim is the only person that I know that can go to a Rangers game at the Garden in their Flyers finery, be abusive and get invited to go drinking with the enemy.

3. Pink Tee – As far as I know Grimjack still has the pink tee. The pink tee rule was instituted a few years ago while golfing. If one of the foursome did not reach the women’s tee box, they had to wear the pink tee in their ear until someone else flubbed a shot. Sure, I stink at golf (not that I haven’t won money from Badger, Wyatt, Vinnie and the group). However, as I made the pink tee my very own for most of the round, the tee passed to Grimjack on the 17th hole and we haven’t seen it since. I should, however, be brought to the Heritage Weekend.
2. Irish Pubs That Serve Only Murphy’s Stout – Sure, Murphy’s Stout is a good beer. (It’s no World Café Milk Stout, eh Wyatt?). But nothing (well almost nothing. . .we still have number 1 coming) irritates Grimjack more than going to an “Irish Pub” and ordering a Guinness only to find out that they don’t carry it. A lot of pubs either carry Murphy’s OR Guinness. This is unacceptable to Grimjack. . . .and I can’t say I disagree. In my mind, I picture a bartender apologizing for the lack of Guinness and thinking “this guy reminds me of the guy that was yelling at me when I was working at Verizon today.”
1. 80s Music – Grimjack loves music. Grimjack and I have seen many many many concerts (although his attendance does dwarf mine). Grimjack does not like (spelled L-O-A-T-H-E-S) New Wave Music (the best music there is). He hates even more when it is referred to as 80s music. He likes 80s music like Yes and Peter Gabriel and the Firm (sorry ‘bout that!. . . but that’s a story for another time.) Grim and I differ on musical tastes but have a decent cross section. We have seen the Furs, King Crimson, Peter Gabriel, and more bands than I can name. We developed a system of trade off concerts years ago. He would go to concerts that I picked and I would go to concerts that he picked. It was a great experience. I got to experience the Grateful Dead twice (once pre-drug crackdown – one post. . . guess which was better)and Joe Satriani. I dragged him to see Elvis Costello. Not the Thompson Twin and Berlin though. We had tickets for Missing Persons but Dale Bozzio got sick and cancelled. Oddly enough, Grimjack has seen the Flock of Seagulls (they opened for someone), me . . . .not so much! Again sorry about the Firm.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Top 5 List!

Today's Top 5 List - The Top 5 Things that Wyatt Hates:

5. NASCAR Haters
People that hate NASCAR. Of course, that doesn't narrow it down very much. On of the reason's people hate NASCAR is example below of the people that go to NASCAR.

4. No Food Zones - With the diet going on (It is still going on, right?) most zones are food free zones these days. Wyatt has been fighting the good fight in the diet ring and tying to go the distance. Keep your gloves up.

3. Mumia
If you are not Ed Asner then you probably hate this guy. Of course, if you are a cop or have a cop in the family or are friends with a cop or know a cop or have ever copped a feel or said the word cop, you are probably on board with this one. What could be worse?

2. Teflon Bobbie - One of the REAL reasons that Wyatt doesn't like the Flyers is the GM. Sir Bobbie Clarke has flashes of genius at times (the Forsberg pick up, . . . . . .there must be others)
Even the Lindros pickup was a good move. The handling of him once he got here was the worst. I'll couple that with a picture of Steve Coates. Coatsey is the bain of Wyatt's existence.

and the number 1 thing that Wyatt hates. . . . . .. . .
1. The Brave Little Toaster -
There's no tell this guy how great this movie is, let alone singing the songs on the golf course. This movie puts Snatch and Pulp Fiction to shame.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wednesday Thursday Friday???

That's what WTF stands for, right?

Anyway, The second Round of the NHL playoffs started tonight and BOY did they start. 7-6 in favor of the Buffalo Sabres. The rule of thumb is that if your team gets beat "like a rented mule" in the first round, you want the team that beat you to look like a team that should have beat you.

Last playoff season, when the Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Flyers in 7 games, it was disappointing. However, watching them beat the Calgary Flames to win the Stanley Cup you could see that they were the better team.

Tonight, the Sabres won, but they looked horrible. How did we lose to these guys??? Ryan Miller looked like me at Man's Weekend without the elbow pad as a cup.

Go Senators!!

Speaking of the Playoffs, another thing that I hate is when you see some scrub get booted from the team and all of a sudden he's a scoring machine. Sharp, Sim, Seidenberg have all contributed to their clubs in a big way since leaving the Flyers organization. But that's not who I'm talking about. I am now hoping that the Ducks and Todd Fedoruk win the Stanley Cup. this guy was a scorer with the Philadelphia Phantoms and did nothing on the Flyers. His stats on the Ducks this year have been pretty good for a guy who's job discription is kicking ass!

Go Ducks!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Flyers Season Ends With A Wimper!

Flyers = Done!

Let’s contrast the Flyers against . . . .say. . . .the Flyers. A few years ago the Flyers lost to the Ottawa Senators in Round 2 of the playoffs. My Father was livid. “I’m not getting tickets anymore!” and all that. Not me. Once the disappointment left me. I realized that the 7 game series against Toronto (with two Overtimes) was the best playoff series that I have every seen and who ever won would not have anything left to continue. The Flyers lost and I was proud of my team.

Flash forward to 2006. What a disgrace!! Er”ick” DesjOLDans should hang em up. He can’t compete in the “new NHL”. Not only did he play poorly all series, he cost them the game last night. Practically scoring the first goal against the Flyers himself. That play ended the game. Fortunately, I was able to watch HOUSE, instead of taping it. . ..with a BONUS episode tonight.

Between Rathje and Desjardins stinking up the ice, Therien and Johnsson likely to retire, the Flyers better start shopping for Defense before the start of next season.

On a bright note, RJ Umberger was a surprisingly good addition to the team this year, as was Freddy Meyer IV.

Despite their early exit this year, the Flyers lose has not eliminated me from a shot at the World Famous Fotiu Playoff Pool (AKA Deathlok’s Playoff Pool). Go Ducks! Go Sharks!

Fan Reaction!!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Spider-Man Returns . . . Reportedly!

In one of my earlier posts, I wrote about the horrific new Spider-Man armor. Well, I guess it was time to come clean. J. Michael Straczynski, the man behind Babylon 5, was intereviewed in the latest issue of Wizard Magazine (a copy fanzine book for those who are not comic savvy. . . .geeks). Anyway, in the interview he mentioned how he tried certain things (armor, the long lost son and daughter of Gwen Stacy and whether or not they were Peter's or Norman "Green Goblin" Osborne's kids. He basically admitted that his stuff was crap. Now granted he writes on of my favorite books "Squadron Supreme", but if the past couple of years worth of Spider-Man is admittedly crap do I:
a) Receive a refund
b) Wait for the Class Action Suit letter

Fortunately, the new writer coming on the book seems to have a better feel for the character. Only time will tell.

Reportedly, as I don't want to get my hopes up, the new writer is an old school fan and will bring in the Lizard, Mysterio, the Rhino, Green Goblin, etc. That's the book I want to read. If I see Spider-Man fighting some mystical creature or helping some kids from the brownstones one more time, I'll spit.

I'm JMS and I ruined Spider-Man!!