Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Judd Counter Proposal!!

Yeah, as Support Your Local Gunslinger points out with a very nice picture of Ashley Judd, it is only 4 more days until the puck drops on another NHL season. As the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays in my head, I offer this as a counter proposal to get everyone into the hockey mood :

This only a test. . .

Let's see if this works. . . If it does, enjoy the first episode of one of the best cartoons ever!!!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Depends How You Say It. . .

I was flipping through the YouTube site the other day. . . . .If you drive by someone and yell "You Tube!!" it takes on a different meaning. "MyTube" is a differnet kind of site. . . . .but I digress. As Homer Simpson would say "YouTube. . . .Is there anything it can't do?"

There really is everything on this site. I would put an example here, but I don't know how to do it. Hell, I still can't imbed the pictures in the right hand column. . . .Does that make me less of a man? To quote Harold (of Harold and Kumar) "I'm not worthwhile!"

Anyway, my wife comes in while I'm YouTubing and wants to know what I'm looking at. I show her the wonders of YouTube. By that I mean I start pulling up Monkees videos. She is happy!

Here are the best of YouTube finds of the week:

6. Eddie Izzard clips
5. Marine Boy Clips (Mmmm Neptina!)
4. that tread mill video from a band that isn't 80s New Wave (so I don't know who they are)
3. An old Monkees Kool Aid commercial
2. The Robot Chicken Star Wars short (which is never not funny)
1. Episodes of Prince Planet

Sadly, there is no Japanese Anime Porn.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Catching Up With Death. . .

Well, yesterday was the big day. The promotion was announced and "I'm Out!". . . .Ah! but a twist! The reason I wasn't selected was because I wasn't qualified. . . .or so the zombies in HR reported. I then reported down there to show them the err of their ways. Now they are on the phone to Washington with a "We'll get back to you." . . . .ring ring . . . . "Hello, Washington? We screwed up! How do we fix this or cover it up?" Now I have to wait for Friday before I get an answer. Then the grievance. . .followed by the promotion. Even better, if I file a complaint and win and get promoted, I don't have to appear grateful. Promoted and Disgruntled? Does it get any better? The down side is that they could wiggle out it. . . . which would get this horrific contract off my desk. . . . .also a win. To quote Dale Bosio. . ."Time, be my friend."

In other news, the FHL draft went off without a hitch on Saturday night. As did a day of golf. Golfing Saturday was an example of comparison and viewpoint. As we finished up, my Dad was adding up the scores. "You got a. . . .114." "Are you sure it's only a 114?" "Only a 114!!??" See, I usually golf around 130. I was one putting all day. . . .it just took me 7 to get on the green.

You know about the draft night. . . .Well Done There! (sorry, another Izzard moment!)

I labor intensely Sunday to cover the pool. Ha Ha! Got that bastard out of the way. WAIT! Monday rolls around and my mother-In-Law asks when I can get down to the shore and cover the pool. . . . . . . . .DAMN!

That's it! Screwed at work and waiting for the puck to drop on Wednesday.

Tomorrow starts (because I missed the first week last week) another fine year of CCD teaching. "Teaching God To A Bunch Of Demonic Bastards. . . . . .since 1874". . . . .okay for several years.

THE PLAN: Next week, my boss will have to have a meeting to "announce" the selection of our new employee. I plan to go to the meeting with a small jar of Vaseline in front of me. . . . .I was going to use KY, but if she make an issue of it I can say my lips are chap if I have the vas. I can't wait!

Monday, September 25, 2006

TV on TV!

The Good News and Bad News of 24

If you into the show 24, then you are probably aware that, sadly, the show does not return until January 2007. But good news is on the horizon. If you are not a 24 watcher, this is your season. The villain this season is none other than that diabolical cross-dresser . . . . .Eddie Izzard.

I don’t believe that he will be doing his unique brand of satirical standup. ... in heels. . .but to know Eddie is to love him. He is arguably the funniest guy on the comedy scene today.

For those of you that are familiar with Mr. Izzard, look for quotes in this season’s 24 such as “I have planted explosives through the New York Subway system. . . . . .and on several busses as well”. or ”I’ve killed 7 Million people? . . . . .Well Done! Very Well Done! I must get up very early in the morning. . . .Let’s check the daily planner. . . .Let’s See. . . .Death . . .Death. . .Death. . .Death. . .Death. . . .Lunch. . .Death. . .Death. . .Death!”

I was waiting for 24. Now, I need it to start NOW!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

For The Record. . . .

I can’t decide which song I should play on my ride home today. I’m looking for the song that best fits situation.

So far, it’s between:
Shane McGowan and the Popes – So Pissed Off (F*ck All That!)
Warren Zevon – My Shit’s F*cked Up!
Talking Heads - Don't Worry About The Government

If this gets any worse I may be singing

Alarm - 68 Guns

When Wyatt and Company pull my White Bronco over.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

DragonLady Asks . . . .

Feel free to ignore this post as I felt this was too long to stick in a replay.

Dragonlady asked "What character Do You Have?" in D&D. So, since my brain has been dry lately, I thought that I would run a little character(s) history while I gear them up for this Friday.

Currently, I have two characters . . . .but they are connected.

I started out with a Barbarian named Krusk! He's big! He's strong! He's dumb! I like this because many of the people that we play with are seasoned players and usually know what to expect from certain items and characters. In Krusk's case, he'll smash it. If it pisses him off, he'll smash it hard. When the party says "Don't crush that guys skull he has a necklace of fireballs that will explode." I say "Oh, I hit him anyway." FUN!

With this in mind, it should be no surprise that Krusk got killed. During a resurrection spell, something went wrong Krusk came back to life. . . .but something wasn't right. During the course of events, Krusk would periodically change into a halfling thief. So picture yourself as say . . . .Vinnie Jones. Your smashing and killing and 'Poof', now your the Mini Me guy. FUN! To make things a little more interesting, the two character's possessions changed with them. Thus, if Syzygy, the Rogue (thief) throws a dagger at someone and he changes, the creature on the receiving end may end up getting hit with a thrown battleaxe. FUN!

Unfortunately, Krusk got killed again. As his body lie there, a knife protruded from his chest and Syzygy cut his way out of Krusk's dead body. Bye Bye Krusk!!. . . . or is it!

During our travels we noticed that we were not alone. Through the help of a Mystic, we were informed that Krusk's Ghost has been traveling with us. Eventually, Krusk (who can't communicate with anyone unless he touches a certain amulet found a Great Hammer that is a ghost touch weapon. This means that it isn't corporal. . . .except for the business end. SWEET!. . . .I mean FUN!

So, now I have two characters to run my sneak thief who has a glove of holding (good for swiping stuff) and hat the can let me disguise myself as any species, and a robe with patches of stuff that if I rip them off they become real AND a ghost barbarian (I still have to figure out how to become corporal) with a gaping wound in my chest.

Hey! Where did everybody go???


Today is officially FHL draft week. Work be damned, my priority this week is preparing for the draft.

As the Commissioner and General Manager of Team Pinchy (see Pinchy above) the prep work is time consuming and worth every second.

The teams GMs consist of myself, Badger, the tandem of my older brother and nephew. .. Team Sean, (You posted my Picture, Wyatt ?!!?!?) Fish, Wyatt, Grimjack, Antonelli, BroccolliRob, Lock, Ant (The Canadian Authorities) and the West Coast team, OtherKev. . . .formerly known as Boop.

Due to pressure from the American Disabilities Commission, we were forced to invite the Gimp to join, but due to a lack of priorities, my friend Bill declined. Something about a wedding in Maine. . . .AND NOT EVEN HIS!!

So, Saturday approacheth!! This years draft will be at Vinnie's house. Although the food that Mrs. Deathlok usually prepares will be sorely missed, the presence of the beermeister of Guinness will be a welcome addition.

The Good News!!
1. Keith Tkachuk has reported to camp in great shape.
2. The players have juggled around, which should make for an interesting season.
3. Owen Nolan is playing this year after sitting out the entire last season.
4. I will have to place higher than I did last year.

The Bad News!!
1. With Keith Primeau's retirement. The only Hartford Whaler for BroccolliRob to draft is Brendan Shanahan.
2. Wyatt and Vinnie will again fight over Rangers players . . . .they're not so good!
3. Grimjack is number crunching to figure out exactly how much he owes from last year.
4. Nobody can safely criticize the first draft pick after the surprising turn around from last year. Kiprusoff turned out to be a solid pick.

Things to do this week before the draft:
1. Pack a lunch for the draft. Vinnie's house is devoid of food (other than Campbell's Chicken Noodle)
2. Order TEAM SEAN plaque for the trophy.
3. Calculate who owes what.
4. Prepare sheet for drafttime sidebets. (NOTE: Bring big paper)
5. Rank picks
6. Coordinate remote drafting
7. Get directions to Vinnie's
8. Bring speaker phone to Vinnie's
9. Sober up from Friday and prepare for Guinness.
10. Iron CLIFF RONNING shirt.
11. Tell TEAM LOCK to bring the trophy. . . .I think I just did that!
12. Bring Battlestar Gallactica comics for Wyatt.

Finally, Draft night is the official start to the hockey season for me. LET'S DROP THE PUCK!!!

Thursday, September 14, 2006


So how are the negotiations going? Let's go to the quote board:

After a long a tedious negotiation yesterday (negotiation spelled B-A-T-T-L-E), I met up with my boss and my boss's boss's boss (and thought I was going to have time to get my wrist X-Rayed. . what was I thinking?) I got asked how things went:

Deathlok's Boss (to Boss3): "He told me yesterday that I'm lucky that the windows don't open on the fourth floor."
Deathlok: " Yeah, but then I realized that the balcony is an option. The only thing that keeps me from jumping is that my friend "mac" has the janitorial contract and I think scraping me up is out of scope."

1:00PM: Back in the fire and causing much ire. I should know where my career stands after today. Which, if things go bad, may be another Janitorial problem. Although my career isn't big enough to actually clog the toilet on the way down.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Misery Loves Company - - Hence Blogs!!

It's one of my old chestnuts. . .. no not THOSE chestnuts. . . But I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. So. . . . . .why so salty, dog?? 1. Work has been REALLY kicking my ass! I've been at work everytime I'm awake. . . .and then some. The fiscal year ends on the 14th and I know that I will still be here on the 15th and beyond. Overtime is wonderful. . sure. . .but since I only get straight time. . . .as opposed to Brokeback Mountain time. . . .It begins to wear thin after the first two months. Besides, the main reason that I'm putting in all this time is that I got THE PROBLEM contract to fix. As of yesterday, my customer (Government) absolutely hates me and the contractor . . . .absolutely hates me. I must be on the right track. My goal is to not have this go to court, but it would almost be worth it to see these morons go up (or down) in flames. I need a break.

2. This is the time of year that my wife and kids give me the big mopey face when I say "I'm covering the pool this weekend." AAAaaaaaaawwwwww!! "are you going swimming?" "It's too cold!" This leads to me putting it off a few weeks until the water and air get really cold. Then I have to get in the water to cover it and have to convince myself not to just pull the cover on top of myself and let the chemicals slowly desolve me over the winter. . . . At least I wouldn't have to shovel snow this winter.

3. What's the musty smell?? Yep! I'm getting water or something in my basement. I found some moldy wet ceiling tiles in the hockey figure room. When I removed them it looks like the air vent that they put in the extension on my house leaked water from the crawl space, along the pipe and dripped somewhere (everywhere?). To quote JT, "Well, Shit!"

4. Between typing at work and here, trying to work the pool and playing the piano, my wrist is killing me. Carpal Tunnel. I ordered an ergonomic keyboard at work . .still no sign.

Fortunately, last night was D&D night and I killed the shit out of everything that moved.


It's lunchtime and this is my new favorite sandwich!!!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Diamond in the Rough!

This weekend I sat through one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. That movie is JuneBug. It was horrible. Somewhere in there, I'm sure there was some subtle meaning to the
garbage that went on, but I don't even care. it was a waste of two hours.

The only redeeming factor to this movie is that Amy Adams was in it (see above). HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS CHICK! WOW!! By now, everyone should know my preference to the Redhead of the species. Even so. . . . . .WOW!! Of course, she was 8 1/2 pregnant in the movie but that just adds to the horribleness of the movie. She was still awesome.

Allyson Hannigan. . .move over. . . .No! No! Don't go away, just move over a little so thatI can squeeze Amy on the otherside.

Now I have to go see Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

For Wyatt!

Not to dwell on one topic, but I found this picture of my Father-In-Law, circa late 1950s. As Wyatt pointed out, the police car was probably red.

Just thought the I would share. . . . .


Happy Birthday to my friend Kelley! Today is the BIG 40! If she doesn't look it in the picture, it's because this is a picture of her when we dated when we were teenagers. 16 was a long time ago. Of course, I was the older man back then . . .. at 19. Now we are both just old people.

HAHAHAHA! . . . .Hey! What am I laughing at??

The wife and I are going to her party today. That's right. . . .Mrs. Deathlok is heading to the party.