Thursday, August 17, 2006

POOL IT! - Part 2

Pool patching requires planning. You must have the following items:

The Repair Kit – The repair kit consists of
A sheet of plastic. The size of the plastic would at first glance make you think that the kit is good for 5 or 6 repairs. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THIS! The reason that there is ample plastic sheet is that you will be required to throw most of it out in frustration and you try to accomplish this task.
Glue! Krazy glue be damned! Gorilla glue? It is to laugh! This stuff will glue your hand to the water. It’s insane. It also smells like intensified airplane glue from the days of old. . . . .just like Mom used to make. Once you put this on the first sheet of plastic, you will screw it up and throw it. The plastic sheet will adhere to you lawn and become a permanent fixture in your yard.
A metal wire with a fuzzy tip – This looks like an applicator, but make no mistake. You will be using your fingers before the final product is ready for application.
Scissors – when you are fixing a hole in your pool liner, nothing feels better than bringing sharp objects up to the pool deck.
Goggles – Normally used for seeing under water. In this case, they are just something to glue to your head. This goes over well at work when you are up for a promotion.
A second pair of hands – With the departure of Moon the only other pair of hands available belong to my daughter. When you give her instructions to follow while you are under water, you will sit at the bottom of the pool, wondering why she isn’t following your instructions and will she do something before you suffocate.

Okay, so we are ready. Begin.

I cut the first piece of plastic and I screwed it up and throw it. That thing about the sheet adhering to my lawn? I was kidding . . . .it stuck to the pool deck. . . . .because the lawn wouldn't have been costly.

Take 2 - I took the "applicator" and smeared the adhesive thoroughly. Then I placed the "applicator" on the discarded plastic glued to the deck and began to use my fingers to distribute the adhesive "liberally". As instructed I folded it in half to protect the adhesive until I could get it under water. I gave it to my daughter and said "When I stick my and up, hand me this!" . Now, I'm underwater with my hand up and . . . . . . .nothing. I began to feel like Tom Cruise in Minority Report. When I pop up, she sitting there hold something that kind of resembled the thing I left in her hand. I couldn't peel it apart. I also couldn't figure out how something like this could get that screwed up in a matter of 15 seconds.

Take 3 - No applicator this time. Just squirt, rub, fold, submerge! Wait! My goggles are on my head and my hands are full of Space Shuttle technology adhesive. My daughter now has to secure them to my eyes. . . .Flawless! Now to go under and patch the leak. All that I have to do is hold my breath. NOTE: When the human body hold air in its lungs, it floats. The hole was at the bottom of the pool. To fix it, I had to take a deep breath (oxygenate the brain. . . .or what's left of it) and then let all the air out. . . . and then stay under water and patch-a-plenty. The directions say to make sure that you smooth out the liner. I'm not sure how much 12,000 gallons of water weighs, but in the unwrinkle battle, I lost. I had to resort to pathing in a wrinkle shape.

So far the patch seems to be holding.

On a good note, there was not a snake or spider anywhere to be seen AND I didn't have to crawl under the house. Sorry JT.


At 10:15 PM, Anonymous linda said...

Excuse me while I laugh at your problem...but it's so like what happens in my world! Glad you didn't have to go to the ER to have your hand de-glued from your head or something! And at least, you did it and didn't just talk about doing it until winter--that makes you a man among men..or something like that! ;)

And in case you're interested, I think the a/c is trying to revive! I upped the thermostat and we're DOWN to 82 degrees and the air is feeling cool! I had turned it down and I guess it was overworking--cross your fingers!

At 10:43 PM, Blogger radio gnome said...

picturing 'Lok's hand glued to his something.

Just threw up.

Dude, just do what any normal American would do . . . buy a NEW POOL!

At 1:14 PM, Blogger grimjack said...

Dude- you weigh the same as a piece of wood. Of course you floated. You should have asked one of your fat-ass friends to help.

At 4:32 PM, Blogger RT said...

Maybe you would have had a better experience if you had "sniffed" the aromatic glue before you tried to fix the liner.

I enjoyed your pain. Funny. ;)

At 1:32 PM, Blogger zippychik said...

Thanks Dlok not only did your post make me LOL, but you actually made me gald I don't owna pool!

At 8:47 PM, Anonymous dragonlady474 said...

Like zippychik, I too was thanking God I didn't own one while reading this. Well, I was thinking that when I wasn't laughing my ass off.


At 4:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 6:17 AM, Blogger JA Plumbing said...

I certainly enjoyed the way you explore your knowledge of the subject! I was searching this kind of information from a long time because I was also suffering some problem in my swimming pool. Finally I found it. Thanks for sharing it.


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