Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Bucket Test!!

I just endured the remake od HALLOWEEN by Rob Zombie. With, and the rumor of a remake of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH, I have come up with a new idea for Hollywood. If you are so devoid of ideas that you feel that you have to remake a movie feel free. . . . . . but . . . at the premiere of the movie, the Director, Producer and those involved have to sit over a dunk tank full of piss. If you ruin a classic movie because you think that you can "improve" it, give it the Bucket Test.

This movie took the really scary stuff about the original and changed it into something mediocre. It's basically the same movie, so there is no fear of spoilers here. Rob Zombie added so backstory to Michael Myers and, I thought, made it less scary. The abusive, trailer trash, stripper mother having existence that explains why Michael became who he was is less terrifying than the boy who had a normal life, by all accounts, . . . . . . nice sister, nice family, nice life . . . . .and still became THE SHAPE (his name in the book). WHY?? Because he was just evil. Evil can be anywhere and can take any shape. No matter how wonderful you are, you kid can be the next Michael Myers. THAT is scary my friends.

Rob added more back story to flush out the character, but them forgot to keep in the drive that kept him going. In the original, Michael Myers sits dormant until he hears that he has a little sister. He hasn't wiped out his family as he thought and this awakens the demon in him. In this dreck, he just desides to get up and go. Is he after her or trying to connect with her, it's never quite clear.

Further, a note to horror movie makers: Dark is scary. So dark that I can't see anything . . . ANYTHING!! A waste of film.

And now, a list of movies that would have failed the piss bucket test!!

HALLOWEEN
POSIDEON
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS
THE MUSIC MAN
THE HILLS HABE EYES


Movies that pass:
3:10 TO YUMA
MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
DAWN OF THE DEAD

5 Comments:

At 4:52 PM, Blogger RT said...

How about Christine and Magic?

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous dragonlady474 said...

I despise Rob Zombie. Everything he touches turns to shit. Which is why I didn't bother going to see this movie. After reading your review I know I made the right decision.

 
At 2:52 PM, Blogger Deathlok said...

Christine and Magic were better as books . . . as were Cujo . . .I Robot, Hittchhiker's guide, etc. . . .This rank is strictly based on movies that are remade.

Oh, and I forgot the horrific "how could you mess this up" Rollerball".

I would even give the remake of Psycho a pass because it was filmed as a tribute matching the film word for word, camera angle for camera angle.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

The original Rollerball was fantastic. The remake? Not so much.

Piss bucket. Heh.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger zippychik said...

"Manchurian Candidate???" Don't make me laugh. The remake passes the bucket test? Afraid not. Go back and watch the original -- several times.

I agree with dragonlady on Rob Zombie.

 

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